Matters of the Heart

They asked me to stop by the nurses' station during one of my recent visits with Mona. They said they had something for me. It was in a small plastic zip-lock bag, a heart shaped pendant on a gold chain with a broken link. Mona no longer knew what it was, this small, gold object dangling in front of her and so earlier that day, probably out of curiosity, she'd yanked on it and broken the chain. Thing is, I'd been considering removing it from her and taking it home so it didn't get lost but I just couldn't do it.

It was the first piece of jewelry I ever bought her.

We'd only been dating a few months but already I knew she was someone special. I'd spent much of that summer of 1973 in Europe and one day at a small shop in Amsterdam I found it. I remember wondering if she'd like it, if it was too corny, if it was too early in our relationship to give her jewelry. I took a deep breath and bought it, paying the equivalent of $12 US. When I got home I took it to a jeweler and had her name engraved on one side and my name engraved on the other. I bought a gold chain to go with it and gave it to her.

I was so relieved when she liked it. The night I gave it to her she handed it to me and asked me to hook the clasp behind her neck and for the next 43 years there were only a handful of times she took it off. Each time -- when she when into the hospital to deliver our daughters, for example -- she had me remove it and each time she asked me to put it back on her. It was almost ceremonial.

I can still see her reaching for it absent-mindedly while on the phone, while sitting at the kitchen table working out a lesson plan for her kindergarten class, while standing in the kitchen deciding what to have for dinner, while holding our grandchildren on her lap.

I can still see her wearing it while dressed in a t-shirt and jeans, while dolled-up for a night on the town, while lying asleep next to me in bed.

The sides of that small gold heart have worn over the years; it's difficult now make out our names. The engraving may have faded but the memories never will. That $12 heart is now in a safe deposit box at the bank, securely locked away like the love we'll always share.